“How Can I Get Pregnant This Time?” This Mindset Can Improve Your Chances while Protecting Your Heart
If you’re about to try again after a failed fertility cycle, You may be searching for answers — something you can do differently this time. Something that might finally make the difference.
Following my endless journey to get pregnant, I understand how deep and urgent that question can feel: How can I get pregnant this time?
I came to realize that while we can’t control timing or outcomes, there are ways to support your body and heart so that you’re not carrying the same pain and panic cycle after cycle and help you still feel human and enjoy your life despite the setbacks.
Make Space for Hope
How Can I Get Pregnant This Time?
Holding Hope and Fear as a Fertility Strategy
Preparing for Another Cycle: Holding Hope and Fear Together
As we prepare for another cycle — another possibility — we often focus on empowerment, hope, and positivity. But while we’re at it, we also have to make room for the not-so-pleasant guests: fear, doubt, and the knowledge that it might not work.
Because the truth is: even the most expensive doctor can’t guarantee when or how this will work. Nobody holds the crystal ball, but just because there’s no certainty doesn’t mean you deserve to feel hopeless, broken, or robbed of joy.
The thing is: if we deny those feelings, they actually gain more power and can interfere with our ability to stay connected and calm. When we make space for them — even symbolically — we reduce their grip.
How do you make space? By writing them down. By speaking them out loud to a safe person, or by simply imagining a box, a circle, or boundary where those fears can live — acknowledged, but not taking over.
Once you’ve done that, you can begin shifting your focus toward hope, building a daily plan to regulate your nervous system, and cultivating a sense of internal positivity — all of which support your body's receptivity and emotional well-being.
👉 Get ideas and tools to support this process here
And whenever fear, doubt, or worry arises, gently visualize yourself placing it into your container — holding space for it without letting it take over.
When fear or doubt arises, visualize placing it into a container — holding space for it without letting it take over
This Is Not a Sprint — It’s a Marathon
If you want to stay emotionally healthy, invest in your fertility, and remain whole, the most powerful shift you can make is to adopt the marathon, not a race mindset.
Think of your nervous system like a young child. If that child believes that all their worth, happiness, and value are pinned to winning one race — and winning it now — what happens if they lose?
They may feel devestated, broken or inherently inadequate.
But if that child is taught to see the long road ahead — that this is a path with many stops, many learning curves, and eventual arrival — they build resilience. They learn to stay present. And they begin to feel like winners along the way, not just at the finish line.
How Do I Know? Because I lived it.
My Journey….
I struggled for 11 long and painful years until my daughter was born.
Throughout this process, I have tried to conceive naturally, went through a painful abortion, did IUI. IVF. Tests on semen, on my uterus, on my immune system. PGD (Genetic testing), I had to accept using donor eggs. Then even donor embryos. And every step — every single one — came with failure. Not once. Not twice. Over and over again. At least three times a year.
The same number of times I felt hopeful, I was completely and utterly shattered.
I felt cursed. Isolated. Devastated. Hopeless.
Every birthday, every holiday, every trip abroad — was either decorated with hope toward another attempt or darkened by the crushing pain of bad news. I started reacting physically. Just seeing my doctor’s number on my phone triggered panic. My heart would race. My stomach would tighten. My body carried trauma.
Even surrogacy — the thing I thought would finally work — didn’t. Not at first. Not the second time either. There were times I gave up.
But if this journey is a marathon, not a sprint — then I won.
Because I didn’t give up. I kept going.
And eventually, I got what I longed for.
My daughter is here. She is strong, joyful, loving, full of personality and life.
Is it perfect? Of course not. Nothing in life is, but for me it is more than perfect
There are consequences to every choice, to every part of this journey. Having a child later in life may bring its own realities, but I choose to embrace the gifts, stay present with what I’ve been given, and meet the rest with love.
So What Can You Do Differently This Time?
This three-part mindset may support your emotional and physiological readiness — and offer you more steadiness as you try again.
1. Create Space for Fear and Doubt
Don’t suppress fear or insecurity — that only gives them more power. Acknowledge them. Write them down. Say them out loud. Visualize setting them aside in a safe container. When your fear is respected but not in charge, your system can soften — and hope can emerge.
2. Support Your System with Daily Regulation
Once space is made, nourish your nervous system. Use daily tools like breathwork, grounding movement, positive affirmations, and compassionate inner dialogue. These tools don’t “fix” anything — but they gently support your body’s readiness to receive. I recommend creating a chart to help you. 👉 Get ideas and tools to support this process here
3. Shift to a Long-Term Vision
Instead of tying your hope to this cycle, this test, or this month’s outcome, expand your vision. See yourself — in the future — living the life you’re building. Holding your child. Feeling peace. Let that vision guide you, not the calendar. That’s how you protect your heart and stay in the journey.
Build the Pathway to the Life You’re Creating
A Vision Your Heart Can Live In
Trying again doesn’t mean you’re starting over. You’re starting wiser. Stronger. More equipped.
Replace thoughts of failure with pride. Let self-appreciation take the place of self-blame. You’ve come this far — that matters deeply.
You deserve gentleness — not pressure.
You deserve support — not silence.
You are not alone.
And you are not failing.
You are fighting to give love and life.
And that makes you extraordinary.
If you need more support, I’m here. You’re welcome to reach out.
